About four and a half years ago my grandma, Joyce Elaine Wilkins, passed away. After she passed on I realized how much I love her and also how I had not realized this until she could not be with me anymore. I strongly believe it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. This statement by Alfred Lord Tennyson is very true to me. I think I can speak for my family as well in saying that it means the same to them. It was worth every second to be with her while I was able to. I would not take any time spent with her back.
I remember every detail of that day, early morning June 25, 2003, my dad received a call from my grandpa, Ross. He told my dad that the doctors had said she would not be with us much longer. At the time, life support systems were the only thing keeping her alive. After the phone call we packed our essentials, and then sat out on our front porch to wait for my Aunt Vicki and Uncle Steve to arrive. They were coming down from Centerville and we were going to Portland together. While we were waiting we talked about what was happening, for an odd reason we all felt this may truly be her time, I started to cry. My dad held me closer and told me to remember the good times and cherish them forever. I continue to cherish my memories of our time together.
After we arrived at the Portland hospital, Oregon Health and Science University, my family was taken into a small conference room. This was when we had to make the most difficult decision I have ever been apart of. My grandpa told the doctor that keeping her alive a life support systems is the one thing he promised my grandma he would never do, so that was the final decision.
Hours passed and we each went into her room to say our good-byes two at a time. It was when my Aunt Janice and I were in the room that she passed. I was holding her hand while my Aunt Janice was talking to her, telling her how much she loved her and that it was alright for her to go. I looked up at the monitors that read her vitals. Each line began to go into a straight line, then her heart rate read zero. My aunt went to get a nurse while I headed for the waiting room to see my dad. I walked into to the waiting room, but my family was not there. I then went down to the cafeteria. Crying, I approached the table where they were all sitting. I tried to tell my dad what I had just witnessed but I was not able to get the words to come out. My dad grabbed me and held onto me tight. Nobody said anything. We sat in silence for awhile thinking to ourselves.
Even though this was the hardest thing I have ever experienced I would not take it back for anything. We all have to leave this world sometime. I am so grateful for the time I was given with her before she had to leave us. I do wish though that I could have had more time to enjoy her companionship and also for my brother to get to know her as well as I did.
